I always have my most profound moments in very ordinary
situations, but unfortunately a lot of them come in the middle of the night.
Usually around the time my daughter wakes me up with her random noises she is
making because she just can’t find a comfortable position or she just wants her
nuk put in but she is just too lazy to do it herself. Well she is only 6
months, so I’ll give her that. Anyway, this time it was shortly after 1:30 AM so I got up and put her nuk in and she fell right back to sleep while I climb
back into bed wide awake. I laid awake in our dark room going over all the
things that literally keep me up at night, ‘What am I going to do about my job?’,
‘How are we going to save up enough money for a down payment?’, ‘Why did I
spend some much money after Olive was born?’,
‘What can I do make our lives better?’….me, me, me. So as I was making
myself overly anxious and totally worked up, googling ways to make more money
at home and where to sell things as consignment, God encountered and just showed
up in my world. I usually think of him sarcastically talking to me like, ‘So Jordyn, how’s your life going with you in control? You seem to think you can handle it better than I could?!’
But this time it was different, God encountered me with a gracious, humble whisper of ‘PRAY.’
In that moment, as I opened my heart to God, I was overwhelmed with the peace that surpasses all understanding. All those worries that were keeping me up faded away and the presence of God poured over me. Now it was the excitement that came with that feeling that was keeping me up. So I grabbed my headphones and turned on worship music hoping to join my daughter in peaceful and restful sleep.
Well it is now 3:30 AM, so clearly I didn’t fall asleep, but
rather I was compelled to write. I just can’t get over these encounters God has
been having with me over the last month or so. I would say that he has been
changing me since my daughter, Olive, was born in February, but like I said,
the last month or so has been different. In my many years of following Christ,
I have learned when God is preparing me for a new and exciting chapter in my
life, and right now that is exactly where I am at.
This all started with God’s abrupt breaking of my heart. It
was the day that gay marriage became legal in the US. Now I am not going to get
into a discussion of gay marriage, but God used this scenario to break into my
world and show me His truth.
He opened my eyes to show me that for quite a long time, I was living and believing in a manipulated truth. A truth that the world had twisted into looking like it was from God but really was of the world.
I
realized our society has gotten further and further away from God’s absolute
truth and has replaced it with a wishy washy version where everyone and
everything is good and right.
I realized that I have been living my life based on the
world’s standards. The standards that tell me how I have to look, how to dress and act in a certain way, make a certain amount of money to be happy, have a
house that looks like a Pottery Barn ad, etc. I was beating myself up because I
wasn’t meeting these so-called standards and truths. And I didn’t realize how
badly these ‘truths’ were hurting me. I was trying to find myself in all the
wrong things, spending money just because it felt good, putting my family in a
position that was not healthy or good for anyone.
I cannot thank God enough for pulling me out of the miry
clay and setting my ways straight. I realized that these ‘truths’ and ‘standards’
that the world has can be a lot easier than those that God has set in place for
us.
But what I have come to love about following God’s truths is that the reward is SO much greater.
God opened my eyes to eternity, the purpose for the
sacrifices and struggle. He says that this world and the pain is temporary, but
His love and grace are eternal. 2 Cor. 4:
18. ‘So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what
is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal’.
So as I set out on this journey that God has for me, one
that seems full of lots of sacrifices and potential hardship, I remind myself
that it doesn’t matter what type of house we live in, what our jobs are, how
fancy our stuff is, for all these things are ‘seen’. What matters is my
relationship with my Father and how that impacts my husband, my daughter, and
those around me. How am I living my life that is impacting eternity, both mine
and others? Am I doing what I can to further God’s kingdom in my own world?
I cannot be more excited for what God has in store for me.
I look forward to begin a life living for the eternal and reaping the reward
that God has for his beloved children. Now whether that reward is given here on
earth or once I get to meet God face to face, it doesn’t matter because I am
choosing to live for Him and live in His truth either way. My prayer is that
you can see this truth as well and begin to live your life for your eternity
too. It may be a difficult decision to make and the sacrifices may be great,
but know that God rewards and blesses those who choose to obey and follow Him.
Let God
encounter your life!
