I find it a little hard to write this. I don't like to open up my heart to the vulnerability of my insecurities, but as I was evaluating some of the issues that I was dealing with last night I was reminded that I am not defined by this world's standards or views of me.
You know that feeling of feeling 'second best' or like you tried your best, but it just wasn't good enough? What a lie those things are, but they are such real feelings for so many of us. Even as I enter into my later 20s I still deal with these insecurities that have been lingering with me since middle school. Even though I am becoming a mother, I am a wife, I still feel like I am not good enough for some of the blessings in my life. As if my self isn't worth a life full of greatness.
I laugh even as I write this as I am a mentor to many young college aged girls and I tell them all the time how worthy they are of love and greatness. That they are worth the life that God has in store for them, so then why can 1 little thing happen to me and I find myself questioning my own worthiness of greatness.
God did not intend for us to live a life that is filled with negativity and lies. That is what the devil has in store for us--for the thief comes in the night to steal, but GOD, He came to give us LIFE and life to the FULLEST!
I want that life. I want the life that is so filled with God's presence that I know where my security lives. I know who I am in the eyes of my Creator. I know that I am seen through the eyes of Grace and not the eyes of judgement or condemnation.
So how do we get there? How do we get to the point in our lives where we are able to find our security in our Maker. Well it starts with acceptance. Acceptance that no matter what we do, we are not going to make ourselves worthy on our own. It's acceptance of the gift that Christ gave us on the cross. The gift that FREED us from death. The gift that gave us LIFE!
It's not an easy journey, it requires dedication and sacrifice. But that's what Christ gave us when he came to earth and if we learned anything from His life, it's that hard work and dedication pays off. Let us focus on what is unseen, not what is seen--as what is seen is fleeting, but what is unseen is eternal.
I unfortunately will not be able to let go of my deep insecurities overnight, but with the acceptance of God's grace and love, I will be able to begin to find my true security and full life in our One True God.
Thank you Lord for that gift, may we begin the journey of accepting it. We Love You.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
BE. STILL. [[and know]]
If any of you know me well, you know that I tend to move at a quicker pace. I like to get things done, I enjoy being productive. I think I get this wonderful characteristic from my lovely mother.
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy this part of myself. It has gotten me pretty far in life. I am a motivated individual that likes to go after things and get things done. It has helped me in all my different jobs I have, and it encourages me in my relationships. It's a great 'problem' to have.
For years now though, God has been trying to teach me his discipline 'Be Still and Know that I am God.' (Psalm 46:10). Here are a couple more versions of the same verse:
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Stop your fighting--and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth."
Be in awe and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted throughout the earth.
Let go [of your concerns]! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth.
Be Still? How can I be productive when I am being still? How am I supposed to get things done then?
The funny thing about the questions that I have asked God about this verse is that it is all about me. It's about what I am doing, not what he is doing. Re-read those different versions. God is wanting us to experience HIM! God is wanting to reveal HIMSELF to us. He doesn't want us to do anything.
If I have learned anything over my 20-some years on this earth is that God isn't asking me to do anything but accept His love and be in His presence. He's asking me to give up the reigns to my life and let him be the leader. He is asking me to BE STILL so that I can see His works.
This makes me feel conflicted. I have tension in my spirit knowing that I have to learn to Be Still so that I can truly know God and his ways.
But God granted me a tangible experience of this discipline recently. I am just about 6 months pregnant with our first little baby. It has been an amazing experience to say the least, but as I have been thinking about this concept of being still, God reminded me of something I've learned in my pregnancy.
One of the best parts of being pregnant is the first few feelings of baby moving around. It reminds you that life is being created and that you are apart of an amazing miracle. Well for me the times that I feel baby move the most, is when I am being still and at peace. It's the times when I am not thinking or worrying about anything. It's the times where I am truly content. It hit me just this weekend that God is just asking us to trust Him. Let go of our life so that He can give us His.
See God is always moving. God is always working in our lives. But the question I so often ask myself is, am I paying enough attention? I am being still so that I can see God working in the nations? More often than not, the answer is no.
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy this part of myself. It has gotten me pretty far in life. I am a motivated individual that likes to go after things and get things done. It has helped me in all my different jobs I have, and it encourages me in my relationships. It's a great 'problem' to have.
For years now though, God has been trying to teach me his discipline 'Be Still and Know that I am God.' (Psalm 46:10). Here are a couple more versions of the same verse:
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Stop your fighting--and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth."
Be in awe and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted throughout the earth.
Let go [of your concerns]! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth.
Be Still? How can I be productive when I am being still? How am I supposed to get things done then?
The funny thing about the questions that I have asked God about this verse is that it is all about me. It's about what I am doing, not what he is doing. Re-read those different versions. God is wanting us to experience HIM! God is wanting to reveal HIMSELF to us. He doesn't want us to do anything.
If I have learned anything over my 20-some years on this earth is that God isn't asking me to do anything but accept His love and be in His presence. He's asking me to give up the reigns to my life and let him be the leader. He is asking me to BE STILL so that I can see His works.
This makes me feel conflicted. I have tension in my spirit knowing that I have to learn to Be Still so that I can truly know God and his ways.
But God granted me a tangible experience of this discipline recently. I am just about 6 months pregnant with our first little baby. It has been an amazing experience to say the least, but as I have been thinking about this concept of being still, God reminded me of something I've learned in my pregnancy.
One of the best parts of being pregnant is the first few feelings of baby moving around. It reminds you that life is being created and that you are apart of an amazing miracle. Well for me the times that I feel baby move the most, is when I am being still and at peace. It's the times when I am not thinking or worrying about anything. It's the times where I am truly content. It hit me just this weekend that God is just asking us to trust Him. Let go of our life so that He can give us His.
See God is always moving. God is always working in our lives. But the question I so often ask myself is, am I paying enough attention? I am being still so that I can see God working in the nations? More often than not, the answer is no.
So, I am learning to Be Still. I am learning to Let Go and Let God. Who knows what could happen in our lives, but again, if I've learned anything from my faith journey is that God does not disappoint.
So let's BE STILL and KNOW!
Friday, September 5, 2014
How 1 Year Can Make a World of Difference
Wow. It's been awhile since I have written a post. It makes me chuckle a little just because of all the stuff that has happened since my last post.
It's kind of amazing, the last week or so I have been in a state of reflection. I think it started with my Grandma Schultz's passing a few weeks ago and just reflecting on my Schultz family and everything we have been through together. Then it led me to realize that my 1 year anniversary was coming up at the current job I have. Now this was a big realization for me since when I started the job, I thought I was only going to be there for maybe 5-6 months. Now I am celebrating 1 year and looking at my future here at this company--as a long-term thing. This crazy change of events has sparked my writing again. To share with you all the craziness and dramatic changes that I and my husband have gone through this past year. I would not trade what happened to us and the things that we have learned for anything. So here you go:
The 3 life changing REVELATIONS this year has brought:
1. Stepping Stones are so much more.
I literally just googled 'Stepping Stone meaning' so that I can help you have the same visualization that I do when talking about stepping stones:
Stepping Stone:
-a raised stone used singly or in a series as a place on which to step when crossing a stream or muddy area
-an undertaking or event that helps one to make progress toward a specified goal.
I like these definitions because it gives you a literal meaning of a stepping stone and a more figurative outlook to it. Whenever I have thought of a stepping stone I think of something that is leading you from one area to the next. It takes you from the beginning of something to the end of something. Rarely did I think that a path of stepping stones could just lead you to another path of stepping stones (figuratively speaking). I just thought there was one path for your jobs, your marriage, your relationships, etc and that one path would have an end to it and once you reached that end, you made it! No more stepping carefully to one to the next-keeping your eye on the 'end goal'.
You are probably reading this and thinking...'What is she talking about?!?!' Well let me tell you what I learned about stepping stones this year. So I thought that my whole job/career journey was leading me down a path with only one outcome--to work in ministry at a specific organization. Every job I took I thought about how this could help me with my end goal. Well the funny thing is, I got to my end goal, I got a job with the specific organization, doing the one thing I thought I was supposed to do. But, that wasn't my end god...there was more. There is always more with God. He doesn't lead us down a path and then just leave us there. Our end goal isn't something we obtain here on earth. Our end goal is eternity with Christ! My job here on earth is to further the kingdom and serve our God. If I do that with a Christian organization or a company that sells nuts and bolts, does it matter? If I can take the opportunities God presents to me and humbly accept them, more often than not, not sure of where they are going, but do it with JOY-isn't that the 'die to self, and live in Christ' mentality? My one year anniversary with my current job isn't one of relational ministry, like I thought, it is actually sitting at a desk and analyzing and inputting data, but I have never felt more like in the right place and right where God wants me. I challenge you to not look at your opportunities in life as stepping stones to some great end goal of becoming the next CEO, the employee of the month, the best parent, friend, spouse, but look at these 'stepping stones' as God leading you on one fun, crazy, unknown adventure that will eventually end with eternity with Him.
2. Perfect timing is God's timing.
This is something that I have tried to wrap my head around time and time again throughout my life. This lesson isn't an easy one to give into, especially when your timing doesn't line up with God's timing. This was pretty evident this year for me and my husband. We decided at the end of 2013 that once Jan 2014 hit we were going to start actively trying for a baby. Now this decision did not come so easy and quickly. We knew that we wanted a few things in place before taking this step. So in October of 2013 one of big prayers was answered, my husband was offered a full time job at his company after a long time contract position. HUGE news!! That means we had full benefits and way more stability, something we knew we needed that to have a baby. My job was giving me great stability and flexibility also, so we just knew it was time. Well we tried and we succeeded! We were over the moon to take that pregnancy test at the end of Jan and find out it was positive!! We began to dream and talk about what we think our baby would be like and what we were going to do. I had everything figured out about what I was going to do with my job and how Young Life was going to fit into that too. It was turning out so great!
Our first doctors appt was at the end of Feb. Your first prenatal appt is around 8 weeks, the doctor said that we were going to take a look at the little soybean since there would be something to see at that time. Well our ultrasound didn't show anything. After 3 different ultrasounds in one day our doctor advised us that we were going to have take a few tests to see what is going on, but that we should prepare for if things don't go well. Well a week and a half later we confirmed that we had lost that pregnancy to a spontaneous miscarriage. A situation where we did nothing wrong, it just wasn't the right time.
Now it's hard for me to argue that is wasn't 'the right time'. Everything was in place for this to be the next step in our life. I was ready, Matt was ready, logistically everything was right so why did this have to go so wrong. It's a question I asked so many times during the weeks after losing our baby. I remember talking with Matt about it though, man I have an amazing husband. Matt kept telling me that God will grant us with a baby one day and that we just have to cling to Him. I don't think I have prayed and spent so much time with God in those couple of weeks than I had in a long time. God's timing isn't about making sure everything here on earth is perfect. His timing is about Him. It's about drawing us closer to him. I've experienced some big loss in my life. Losing my Dad at age 19 is not the timing you think a parent will be gone. Losing your first baby isn't the way you picture timing out starting your family. But God typically has a bigger and better plan for us. Sometimes it requires us to step out of our circumstances and focus our attention on Him, not us. Which leads me into my last revelation of this past year.
3. Focus on God, not yourself.
As humans, its in our nature to focus on ourselves. It's the survival of the fittest. Whoever can rise above everyone else and gain the most will be the one to succeed. Yes, this is true in our limited understanding here on earth, but through all of the hardships and difficult situations that we faced this year, I realized the more I focus on God, the more I learn about Him and myself. If I were to look at my job situation right now, and that's it, I would wonder why am I doing this. I am working in a office with numbers, not people like I thought I would. But then I take a step back and look at the environment that I work in. God has me working in a office that needs Him. His children are lost and need Him. Now I am not on my soap box preaching to the people I work with, but I am loving them. I am praying for them, even when they drive me crazy, I am doing relational ministry. I am being Jesus to these men and women who desperately need Him. Now don't get me wrong, I am not perfect at this, I get annoyed with my co-workers as much as anyone else, but it has challenged me to focus my attention on God's work in my life and how and why he has me places. And there are days, few and far between, that he shows me the work that I am doing there in the lives of my co-workers. I may never see the fruit of the seeds that I am planting, but it's not about that...it's about the love that Christ has for these people and how he chose me to help show that love.
I can't tell you how to live your life. I can't even really advise you on how to do it. But I can challenge you. I have learned that we cannot plan so far in advance that we lose sight of how God is working in our present. God wants to live our life with us. We need to let him lead us down the path. Once we can do that, the stress and anxiety of figuring 'What's Next?!?' isn't as strong because we trust our Creator. We trust that God is a good God. We trust that even when things don't go the way we want, He has a bigger and better plan for us. I've had to learn to let go of the so-called 'good' stuff, so that I can receive the amazing GREAT things that God has for me. Even if to the world they look like plain, boring things.
Our life with Christ is an amazing adventure. I've learned that they more open and welcoming you are to God and His ways, the more enjoyable life can be. Ministry can happen anywhere. God can happen anywhere. The question is: 'Are you looking for it?'
PS. Matt and I are almost 5 months along with our first baby, and our future looks more bright than I ever imagined.
It's kind of amazing, the last week or so I have been in a state of reflection. I think it started with my Grandma Schultz's passing a few weeks ago and just reflecting on my Schultz family and everything we have been through together. Then it led me to realize that my 1 year anniversary was coming up at the current job I have. Now this was a big realization for me since when I started the job, I thought I was only going to be there for maybe 5-6 months. Now I am celebrating 1 year and looking at my future here at this company--as a long-term thing. This crazy change of events has sparked my writing again. To share with you all the craziness and dramatic changes that I and my husband have gone through this past year. I would not trade what happened to us and the things that we have learned for anything. So here you go:
The 3 life changing REVELATIONS this year has brought:
1. Stepping Stones are so much more.
I literally just googled 'Stepping Stone meaning' so that I can help you have the same visualization that I do when talking about stepping stones:
Stepping Stone:
-a raised stone used singly or in a series as a place on which to step when crossing a stream or muddy area
-an undertaking or event that helps one to make progress toward a specified goal.
I like these definitions because it gives you a literal meaning of a stepping stone and a more figurative outlook to it. Whenever I have thought of a stepping stone I think of something that is leading you from one area to the next. It takes you from the beginning of something to the end of something. Rarely did I think that a path of stepping stones could just lead you to another path of stepping stones (figuratively speaking). I just thought there was one path for your jobs, your marriage, your relationships, etc and that one path would have an end to it and once you reached that end, you made it! No more stepping carefully to one to the next-keeping your eye on the 'end goal'.
You are probably reading this and thinking...'What is she talking about?!?!' Well let me tell you what I learned about stepping stones this year. So I thought that my whole job/career journey was leading me down a path with only one outcome--to work in ministry at a specific organization. Every job I took I thought about how this could help me with my end goal. Well the funny thing is, I got to my end goal, I got a job with the specific organization, doing the one thing I thought I was supposed to do. But, that wasn't my end god...there was more. There is always more with God. He doesn't lead us down a path and then just leave us there. Our end goal isn't something we obtain here on earth. Our end goal is eternity with Christ! My job here on earth is to further the kingdom and serve our God. If I do that with a Christian organization or a company that sells nuts and bolts, does it matter? If I can take the opportunities God presents to me and humbly accept them, more often than not, not sure of where they are going, but do it with JOY-isn't that the 'die to self, and live in Christ' mentality? My one year anniversary with my current job isn't one of relational ministry, like I thought, it is actually sitting at a desk and analyzing and inputting data, but I have never felt more like in the right place and right where God wants me. I challenge you to not look at your opportunities in life as stepping stones to some great end goal of becoming the next CEO, the employee of the month, the best parent, friend, spouse, but look at these 'stepping stones' as God leading you on one fun, crazy, unknown adventure that will eventually end with eternity with Him.
2. Perfect timing is God's timing.
This is something that I have tried to wrap my head around time and time again throughout my life. This lesson isn't an easy one to give into, especially when your timing doesn't line up with God's timing. This was pretty evident this year for me and my husband. We decided at the end of 2013 that once Jan 2014 hit we were going to start actively trying for a baby. Now this decision did not come so easy and quickly. We knew that we wanted a few things in place before taking this step. So in October of 2013 one of big prayers was answered, my husband was offered a full time job at his company after a long time contract position. HUGE news!! That means we had full benefits and way more stability, something we knew we needed that to have a baby. My job was giving me great stability and flexibility also, so we just knew it was time. Well we tried and we succeeded! We were over the moon to take that pregnancy test at the end of Jan and find out it was positive!! We began to dream and talk about what we think our baby would be like and what we were going to do. I had everything figured out about what I was going to do with my job and how Young Life was going to fit into that too. It was turning out so great!
Our first doctors appt was at the end of Feb. Your first prenatal appt is around 8 weeks, the doctor said that we were going to take a look at the little soybean since there would be something to see at that time. Well our ultrasound didn't show anything. After 3 different ultrasounds in one day our doctor advised us that we were going to have take a few tests to see what is going on, but that we should prepare for if things don't go well. Well a week and a half later we confirmed that we had lost that pregnancy to a spontaneous miscarriage. A situation where we did nothing wrong, it just wasn't the right time.
Now it's hard for me to argue that is wasn't 'the right time'. Everything was in place for this to be the next step in our life. I was ready, Matt was ready, logistically everything was right so why did this have to go so wrong. It's a question I asked so many times during the weeks after losing our baby. I remember talking with Matt about it though, man I have an amazing husband. Matt kept telling me that God will grant us with a baby one day and that we just have to cling to Him. I don't think I have prayed and spent so much time with God in those couple of weeks than I had in a long time. God's timing isn't about making sure everything here on earth is perfect. His timing is about Him. It's about drawing us closer to him. I've experienced some big loss in my life. Losing my Dad at age 19 is not the timing you think a parent will be gone. Losing your first baby isn't the way you picture timing out starting your family. But God typically has a bigger and better plan for us. Sometimes it requires us to step out of our circumstances and focus our attention on Him, not us. Which leads me into my last revelation of this past year.
3. Focus on God, not yourself.
As humans, its in our nature to focus on ourselves. It's the survival of the fittest. Whoever can rise above everyone else and gain the most will be the one to succeed. Yes, this is true in our limited understanding here on earth, but through all of the hardships and difficult situations that we faced this year, I realized the more I focus on God, the more I learn about Him and myself. If I were to look at my job situation right now, and that's it, I would wonder why am I doing this. I am working in a office with numbers, not people like I thought I would. But then I take a step back and look at the environment that I work in. God has me working in a office that needs Him. His children are lost and need Him. Now I am not on my soap box preaching to the people I work with, but I am loving them. I am praying for them, even when they drive me crazy, I am doing relational ministry. I am being Jesus to these men and women who desperately need Him. Now don't get me wrong, I am not perfect at this, I get annoyed with my co-workers as much as anyone else, but it has challenged me to focus my attention on God's work in my life and how and why he has me places. And there are days, few and far between, that he shows me the work that I am doing there in the lives of my co-workers. I may never see the fruit of the seeds that I am planting, but it's not about that...it's about the love that Christ has for these people and how he chose me to help show that love.
I can't tell you how to live your life. I can't even really advise you on how to do it. But I can challenge you. I have learned that we cannot plan so far in advance that we lose sight of how God is working in our present. God wants to live our life with us. We need to let him lead us down the path. Once we can do that, the stress and anxiety of figuring 'What's Next?!?' isn't as strong because we trust our Creator. We trust that God is a good God. We trust that even when things don't go the way we want, He has a bigger and better plan for us. I've had to learn to let go of the so-called 'good' stuff, so that I can receive the amazing GREAT things that God has for me. Even if to the world they look like plain, boring things.
Our life with Christ is an amazing adventure. I've learned that they more open and welcoming you are to God and His ways, the more enjoyable life can be. Ministry can happen anywhere. God can happen anywhere. The question is: 'Are you looking for it?'
PS. Matt and I are almost 5 months along with our first baby, and our future looks more bright than I ever imagined.
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