Wow. It's been awhile since I have written a post. It makes me chuckle a little just because of all the stuff that has happened since my last post.
It's kind of amazing, the last week or so I have been in a state of reflection. I think it started with my Grandma Schultz's passing a few weeks ago and just reflecting on my Schultz family and everything we have been through together. Then it led me to realize that my 1 year anniversary was coming up at the current job I have. Now this was a big realization for me since when I started the job, I thought I was only going to be there for maybe 5-6 months. Now I am celebrating 1 year and looking at my future here at this company--as a long-term thing. This crazy change of events has sparked my writing again. To share with you all the craziness and dramatic changes that I and my husband have gone through this past year. I would not trade what happened to us and the things that we have learned for anything. So here you go:
The 3 life changing REVELATIONS this year has brought:
1. Stepping Stones are so much more.
I literally just googled 'Stepping Stone meaning' so that I can help you have the same visualization that I do when talking about stepping stones:
Stepping Stone:
-a raised stone used singly or in a series as a place on which to step when crossing a stream or muddy area
-an undertaking or event that helps one to make progress toward a specified goal.
I like these definitions because it gives you a literal meaning of a stepping stone and a more figurative outlook to it. Whenever I have thought of a stepping stone I think of something that is leading you from one area to the next. It takes you from the beginning of something to the end of something. Rarely did I think that a path of stepping stones could just lead you to another path of stepping stones (figuratively speaking). I just thought there was one path for your jobs, your marriage, your relationships, etc and that one path would have an end to it and once you reached that end, you made it! No more stepping carefully to one to the next-keeping your eye on the 'end goal'.
You are probably reading this and thinking...'What is she talking about?!?!' Well let me tell you what I learned about stepping stones this year. So I thought that my whole job/career journey was leading me down a path with only one outcome--to work in ministry at a specific organization. Every job I took I thought about how this could help me with my end goal. Well the funny thing is, I got to my end goal, I got a job with the specific organization, doing the one thing I thought I was supposed to do. But, that wasn't my end god...there was more. There is always more with God. He doesn't lead us down a path and then just leave us there. Our end goal isn't something we obtain here on earth. Our end goal is eternity with Christ! My job here on earth is to further the kingdom and serve our God. If I do that with a Christian organization or a company that sells nuts and bolts, does it matter? If I can take the opportunities God presents to me and humbly accept them, more often than not, not sure of where they are going, but do it with JOY-isn't that the 'die to self, and live in Christ' mentality? My one year anniversary with my current job isn't one of relational ministry, like I thought, it is actually sitting at a desk and analyzing and inputting data, but I have never felt more like in the right place and right where God wants me. I challenge you to not look at your opportunities in life as stepping stones to some great end goal of becoming the next CEO, the employee of the month, the best parent, friend, spouse, but look at these 'stepping stones' as God leading you on one fun, crazy, unknown adventure that will eventually end with eternity with Him.
2. Perfect timing is God's timing.
This is something that I have tried to wrap my head around time and time again throughout my life. This lesson isn't an easy one to give into, especially when your timing doesn't line up with God's timing. This was pretty evident this year for me and my husband. We decided at the end of 2013 that once Jan 2014 hit we were going to start actively trying for a baby. Now this decision did not come so easy and quickly. We knew that we wanted a few things in place before taking this step. So in October of 2013 one of big prayers was answered, my husband was offered a full time job at his company after a long time contract position. HUGE news!! That means we had full benefits and way more stability, something we knew we needed that to have a baby. My job was giving me great stability and flexibility also, so we just knew it was time. Well we tried and we succeeded! We were over the moon to take that pregnancy test at the end of Jan and find out it was positive!! We began to dream and talk about what we think our baby would be like and what we were going to do. I had everything figured out about what I was going to do with my job and how Young Life was going to fit into that too. It was turning out so great!
Our first doctors appt was at the end of Feb. Your first prenatal appt is around 8 weeks, the doctor said that we were going to take a look at the little soybean since there would be something to see at that time. Well our ultrasound didn't show anything. After 3 different ultrasounds in one day our doctor advised us that we were going to have take a few tests to see what is going on, but that we should prepare for if things don't go well. Well a week and a half later we confirmed that we had lost that pregnancy to a spontaneous miscarriage. A situation where we did nothing wrong, it just wasn't the right time.
Now it's hard for me to argue that is wasn't 'the right time'. Everything was in place for this to be the next step in our life. I was ready, Matt was ready, logistically everything was right so why did this have to go so wrong. It's a question I asked so many times during the weeks after losing our baby. I remember talking with Matt about it though, man I have an amazing husband. Matt kept telling me that God will grant us with a baby one day and that we just have to cling to Him. I don't think I have prayed and spent so much time with God in those couple of weeks than I had in a long time. God's timing isn't about making sure everything here on earth is perfect. His timing is about Him. It's about drawing us closer to him. I've experienced some big loss in my life. Losing my Dad at age 19 is not the timing you think a parent will be gone. Losing your first baby isn't the way you picture timing out starting your family. But God typically has a bigger and better plan for us. Sometimes it requires us to step out of our circumstances and focus our attention on Him, not us. Which leads me into my last revelation of this past year.
3. Focus on God, not yourself.
As humans, its in our nature to focus on ourselves. It's the survival of the fittest. Whoever can rise above everyone else and gain the most will be the one to succeed. Yes, this is true in our limited understanding here on earth, but through all of the hardships and difficult situations that we faced this year, I realized the more I focus on God, the more I learn about Him and myself. If I were to look at my job situation right now, and that's it, I would wonder why am I doing this. I am working in a office with numbers, not people like I thought I would. But then I take a step back and look at the environment that I work in. God has me working in a office that needs Him. His children are lost and need Him. Now I am not on my soap box preaching to the people I work with, but I am loving them. I am praying for them, even when they drive me crazy, I am doing relational ministry. I am being Jesus to these men and women who desperately need Him. Now don't get me wrong, I am not perfect at this, I get annoyed with my co-workers as much as anyone else, but it has challenged me to focus my attention on God's work in my life and how and why he has me places. And there are days, few and far between, that he shows me the work that I am doing there in the lives of my co-workers. I may never see the fruit of the seeds that I am planting, but it's not about that...it's about the love that Christ has for these people and how he chose me to help show that love.
I can't tell you how to live your life. I can't even really advise you on how to do it. But I can challenge you. I have learned that we cannot plan so far in advance that we lose sight of how God is working in our present. God wants to live our life with us. We need to let him lead us down the path. Once we can do that, the stress and anxiety of figuring 'What's Next?!?' isn't as strong because we trust our Creator. We trust that God is a good God. We trust that even when things don't go the way we want, He has a bigger and better plan for us. I've had to learn to let go of the so-called 'good' stuff, so that I can receive the amazing GREAT things that God has for me. Even if to the world they look like plain, boring things.
Our life with Christ is an amazing adventure. I've learned that they more open and welcoming you are to God and His ways, the more enjoyable life can be. Ministry can happen anywhere. God can happen anywhere. The question is: 'Are you looking for it?'
PS. Matt and I are almost 5 months along with our first baby, and our future looks more bright than I ever imagined.
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